


Waiting for the night’s return.

by spookyjo



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-16 02:03:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8082376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyjo/pseuds/spookyjo
Summary: “What’s your favourite thing in the whole universe?” Tyler asked while looking at the gloomy sky.“Umm… The sunlight.” Josh replied with confidence.“Well, I think love is when you find someone you like more than your favourite thing,” Tyler said smiling.





	

Josh was special, that's what everyone said about him. 

  


He was _different_. 

  


There's nothing wrong in being different, everyone is different in their own way but Josh was way more different than everyone else. 

  


He was schizophrenic. 

  


Josh was 19 years old. He used to read about people at his age achieving their own goals, working hard to make their dreams come true and then there was him. Not that he wasn't motivated enough, it’s just there was so many obstacles, including his mother. 

  


She decided that isolating him was the best option. 

  


They had to do that because his psychotic episodes turned out to be too critical to handle sometimes, they’ve learned that in the hard way. 

  


His family was literally splitted in two: Josh lived in one house with his mother and his dad lived with his siblings in another one. They came visit sometimes but they were mostly scared of him and that made it even harder for Josh. 

  


He had to take his medication every day, otherwise his hallucinations would be worse. He was so tired of them. 

  


During the day he was usually fine, in his head there was just an incessant noise, it wasn't as bad as it seems, he’d learned how not to listen to his own mind, the real problem comes when the sun sets; he could hear those voices clearly and even see people telling him to end it all for once. It was like living a real life nightmare. 

  


His only Hope was the sunlight. 

  


\----- 

  


It was the first night of October when Josh saw the lights of the room of the neighbor's house turn on for the very first time in years. That house has been empty for so long that he was genuinely thinking it was just another of his hallucination but that time everything was pretty real.  
  
He then heard an hesitant melody coming from that room, a melody able to calm his crowded mind for a while. 

  


The two houses were incredible close to each other so Josh's presence was immediately perceived from the other boy who, embarrassed, stopped playing his piano.  
  
"Shit," Josh said under his breath, hiding himself under the window like a 13 years old being spotted looking at his crush.  
  
_How ridiculous you are._

  


_Creeping is the only thing you can do._  
  


_You just sucks at being a functional human being._

  


“I’ve never played in front of someone so be honoured for attending at my first concert.” 

  


“I-I’m not a creeper, I swear.” 

  


“Don't worry, I think whoever built this neighbourhood didn't know anything about privacy so it’s not even your fault. May I see the face of my first fan now?” 

  


Josh awkwardly stood up from under his window and looked outside; the light of his room was positioned in a way that the only thing Josh was able to see was the silhouette of the still-unknown-boy. 

  


_Do you really want to start a conversation with a stranger?_

  


“It’s just my neighbour.” 

  


“I’m sorry?” 

  


_You barely talk with your family, dude._

  


_Do you really think you’re capable of this?_

  


“Nothing, I’m Josh.” 

  


_He heard you talking to yourself, he’s already thinking you’re a psycho and he’s kinda right._

  


“And I’m Tyler, nice to meet you.” He moved away from the light beam behind him letting the moonlight shine on him. 

It was an average boy: a skinny figure with shaved hair and big black circles underneath his brown eyes. 

  


“So did you like the concert?” Tyler joked. 

  


“Yeah, did you compose it?” 

  


“Yes,” he nodded proudly. “Back in Ohio, I was homeschooled and I didn’t have any friends so I had a lot of free time and when you spend most of the time by yourself, it gets easier getting lost in your own mind, and the only way to deal with it is getting all the shit out, writing everything down, turning those bad things in something beautiful, even though no one would ever know about their existence.” 

  


“I’m glad I did.” 

  


Nothing else was said between the two of them that autumn night nor between Josh and his voices. 

  


That night Josh’s room was a calm place. 

  


That night no one was whispering to Josh’s ears about how lovely would be a necklace made of rope around his neck. 

  


That night no one tried to hurt him. 

  


That night he didn’t tried to hurt himself. 

  


That night there was only the whistle of the wind and the sound of those insecure notes going non-stop inside his head. 

  


He felt safe. 

  


\----- 

  


For a few nights Josh kept talking with Tyler, they talked about pretty much everything; he has never been a talkative guy, not even before the schizophrenia but with him he felt comfortable enough even to talk about it. 

  


Tyler was sitting on the little roof underneath his window and with his eyes, he was following the planes flying through the night sky while Josh was swinging his legs between the bars of his balcony. 

  


“Do you know schizophrenia is the most stigmatized mental illness?” Josh sighed running his hand through his black curly hair. “Everyone associates schizophrenia with violence most of the time and they tend to isolate us, they don't even try to understand our illness, we’re just a bunch of psycho murderers for them.” 

  


“That’s why you don't go to school anymore?” Tyler asked. 

  


“Kinda, I tried for a semester but I felt like everyone in town already knew about me, that was impossible but I still could felt those judging, but at the same time scared, eyes on me.” Josh replied feeling a bit upset for reliving those memories in years. “The doctors said it was normal, the infamous hallucinations, you know. They gave me pills but everything was so unbearable so I just quit.” 

  


“I’m sorry, Josh. I’m sure if people got to know you, they would see how amazing you are.” 

  


Josh stood in silence. When was the last time he received a compliment? 

  


“Josh? Are you okay?” 

  


He nodded. 

  


“It’s freezing outside,” Tyler said quickly trying to change the subject after noticing Josh’s frown. “Aren’t you cold?” 

  


“Yeah, a bit, but it's late and this is the only way we can talk.” 

  


“Why don’t you come to my house? It’d be fun...” 

  


“I can’t,” Josh replied abruptly. “My mom doesn’t let me go outside by my own, I need to be under her surveillance. She’s very possessive over me and she’s always scared something bad is going to happen.” 

  


“So... maybe I can go to yours.” 

  


“Right now?” Josh asked confused. 

  


“Yeah, why not?” 

  


“It’s almost 2 am, dude.” 

  


“So?” Tyler shrugged. “I can sneak for a bit. Our parents won’t notice.” 

  


Josh tried to stop him but Tyler was already leaning in closer to the balcony of Josh's room and with a jump he was there. 

  


"I can't believe you actually did it," Josh whispered maybe a little too loudly. “My mom will kill us if she sees you here.” 

  


“Then we need to keep it quiet.” 

  


_No, this is not right._

  


_What if your mother discovers this?_

  


_What if you start acting weirdly like last time?_

  


_Ah, do you remember what happened last time with your brother?_

  


“IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.” 

  


_You're a psycho, Joshua._

  


_You can't have friends._

  


_You can't let him run this risk. You seem to like him, don't you? You don't want to hurt him or do you?_

  


“STOP!” 

  


“Josh?” 

  


“GO AWAY!” 

  


“Josh, please, calm down, it’s okay,” Tyler tried to grab his sweaty hands but he receded. 

  


“My mom is coming, I can hear her,” Josh kept muttering “Go back to your house, NOW!” 

  


Tyler ran to the balcony just in time for Josh’s mom to open the door. 

  


“Josh? Are you okay? Did they try to hurt you again?” Josh’s mom asked with a concerned look. 

  


“No, mom. Everything’s fine.” Josh lied trying to look calm. “They’re gone now.” 

  


“Alright, Joshua.” She said hesitant. “You know I’m always here for you, right?” 

  


Josh nodded. 

  


“Alright, now go back to sleep, honey.” she kissed his forehead softly before coming back to her room. 

  


Josh instantly ran to the balcony looking for Tyler but he was gone, he tried to call his name again but the lights were already off. 

  


_Look, you scared him._

  


_He’s not talking to you ever again._

  


_You’re alone again._

  


_You only have us now._

  


“No.” Josh grunted. 

  


_You are afraid of us, right? That’s why you always cry._

  


_We make you cry._

  


_And we kinda like it._

  


\----- 

  


It’s been only three days since the incident and the situation was already out of control for Josh: he was a very closed person but as soon as someone showed affection to him he quickly grow found with them making it harder for him to be left alone. 

  


Then he heard someone knocking at his window. 

  


“Where have you been, man? I was so damn worried.” Josh said with relief. 

  


“I thought you may need some space after what happened, I’m sorry” Tyler ran his hands over his shaved head. 

  


“Don’t leave me like this ever again.” 

  


“I won’t, sorry,” Tyler tried to meet Josh’s gaze but he was looking down at the ground “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.” 

  


“Right, no one can’t empathize people like me who don't even know what’s going on in their own mind in the first place.” 

  


They stared at each other for a minute, none of them knowing what to say until Josh finally speak after gaining some confidence. 

  


“Hmm, do you want to come inside? I swear, this time I won’t freak out,” Josh forced a laugh. 

  


\----- 

  


“So, when did you start playing the piano?” Josh asked without taking his eyes off the ceiling. The two boys were laying in Josh’s bed. 

  


“When I was a kid, my parents bought me a piano as a Christmas gift, at that time I didn’t like it so I kept it in my closet.” Tyler let out a small laugh “But a few years later, when I started writing, I remembered I had it so I just tried to play it and add some music to my confused lyrics.” 

  


“And you learned it by yourself?” Josh asked surprised turning to see Tyler’s face. 

  


“Yeah, my parents aren’t into music so I had to figure it all out by myself.” 

  


“And you’re really good at it.” Josh stated smiling. 

  


“Thank you, Jishua.” Tyler said in a soft tone. 

  


“Jishua?” Josh chuckled. 

  


“Yeah, I tend to play on words and it’s cute, can I call you like that?” 

  


“Okay, sure,” Josh kept chuckling. “I think it’s funny.” 

  


“So, tell me Jishua, do you play something?” 

  


“Yeah, I used to play the drums before this whole thing, but I dropped it since my mom said it could be ‘dangerous’ for me, she said it would increase my violence but I think that’s bullshit, it was actually the only way I could express myself at best.” 

  


“Well, I’m pretty sure someday you’ll be able play them again.” 

  


“You think so?” Josh replied with a hint of hope. 

  


“Yes! Of course, and I’ll be there first in line to see you do that.” 

  


“Why would you go? I’m not even that good.” 

  


“Hey, you attended my first concert, I want to do the same.” 

  


Josh looked down feeling a bit ashamed remembering how they first met but smiled after realizing how far they’ve come. 

  


“So, it’s a deal?” Tyler asked cheerfully. 

  


“I guess it is,” Josh smiled like he never did before. 

  


\----- 

  


“Rise and shine, honey.” 

  


Josh woke up and, with his eyes still closed, ran his hands all over the sheets looking for Tyler but he wasn’t there anymore. 

  


“What are you searching for?” His mother asked. 

  


“Oh, nothing, just my phone.” he lied. 

  


“They’re here.” 

  


Josh groaned. “Do I have to go?” 

  


“Joshua, they don’t come here everyday so be grateful.” 

  


“But they clearly don’t like me mom.” 

  


“C’mon, don’t be stupid, they’re still your family” 

  


“Jordan still hates me.” 

  


“That happened a long time ago, Joshua. He forgave you.” 

  


“But he has a huge scar on his face. How can he forgive me if he can see it everyday.” 

  


“It was just an accident and it’s not even that big, you liar.” 

  


Josh stayed in silence deciding whether or not he believed his mom. 

  


”Okay, give me a second.” He finally said. 

  


Josh could still remember the incident clearly like it was yesterday. 

  


It was two years ago. 

  


That was the first time he argued this hard with his parents, he was about to leave the house but he just ran upstairs. He couldn't believe that his parents were such a closed mind kind of person. He only told them he was dating a boy. 

  


* 

  


_“Shouldn’t they be happy for me?” Josh stutters with his head drowned in his pillow._

  


_“I think you’ll be happier if you kill them both.”_

  


_Josh rapidly raises his head from the pillow._

  


_“Jordan?” Josh asks confused “What the fuck?”_

  


_“Nah, that’s not Jordan.”_

  


_“WHAT THE FUCK!” Josh yells and starts looking around trying to understand where the voice comes from. “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?”_

  


_“You know where your dad keeps his gun, just a few shoots, boy. Do it.”_

  


_The voice is so close, he can hear it so clearly._

  


_“Josh?” Jordan walks in. “What’s happening?”_

  


_“THERE’S SOMEONE HERE”_

  


_“What?” Jordan asks concerned._

  


_“Kill him too.”_

  


_“Are you serious? Can’t you hear him?!” Josh replies anxious. He’s looking in the wardrobe, under his bed._

  


_“No, Josh. Don’t joke on these things, that’s not funny, you’re scaring me.”_

  


_But Josh is not crazy,_

  


_He's sure someone else is in the room with them,_

  


_He heard him,_

  


_His deep voice is still echoing in his head,_

  


_Now he’s repeating his name over and over again,_

  


_And now there he is, Jordan’s face turns into something abominable, clearly he wasn’t his brother._

  


_Josh’s body is trembling, he stares at him for a while paralysed then with shaky hands he takes the glass bottle on the desk next to him, runs straightforward and smashes the bottle on its head._

  


* 

  


What happened next was still a blurred memory. 

  


The screams. 

  


The hands pushing him away from his brother. 

  


He woke up in a hospital and Jordan was next to him with a bloody bandage around his head. He freaked out and started crying covering his face with his still shaky hands. 

  


Everything changed since that day. 

  


Nothing went back to normal for him. 

  


And never will. 

  


\----- 

  


“The night scares me.” Josh said suddenly while looking at sky. 

  


“Why?” Tyler asked confused. 

  


“Because… I hear voices, they try to tell me what should I do, they all are bad things, but I don’t listen to them, I don’t want to.” Josh stopped holding back the tears he felt coming. 

  


Tyler stayed quiet like encouraging him to keep talking. 

  


”They always come at night, you know,” Josh continued. “They never come when the sun is up, it’s just in the dark, when I’m more vulnerable.” 

  


“All fears come when we’re vulnerable, because that’s when we’re the weakest so they can attack us and it’s more probable that they’ll win.” 

  


“And there’s nothing we can do about it, the night will always come day after day. It’s like gravity, it doesn’t matter how high you throw a ball, it’ll always come back to you.” 

  


“But nights don’t last forever, the morning will eventually come.” Tyler stated with a smile. 

  


“I know, but I’ll be safe just for one day until the sun hides behind the hills again.” 

  


“You know, there’s something good about that,” Tyler said trying to comfort him. “You get to see sunsets everyday.” 

  


“I don’t like sunsets.” Josh said quietly. “You can see your shadow grow taller and taller and my fears grow along with it. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to fight them everyday. I’m tired of doing it.” 

  


“I know you can do it, you’re stronger than you think.” Tyler reassured him. “Do you want me to play something to calm you down a bit?” 

  


Josh nodded sitting down on the floor with his legs close to his chest. 

  


A minute later Tyler was back on his roof with the keyboard on his knees improvising something for him: 

  


_“By the time the night wears off,_

_the dust is down_

_and shadows burn,_

_I will rise and stand my ground_

_waiting for the night’s return.”_

  


Josh felt something unusual, something he hasn’t felt before, it was like someone actually cared about him in a genuinely way, not like his mom, his mom sure loved him but she was also scared as if his son were an alien incapable of function like a proper human being, sometimes he just wished he were and escape from this reality for once; but Tyler was still a complete stranger. He didn’t have to like him, he could’ve left him any moment but he was still there, he was so caring with him and now he inspired him to write a song? 

  


Josh started to panic, he was confused, he didn’t understand what was going on inside him again, his thoughts, his feelings, everything, and he didn’t like that. 

  


_Do you really think he gives a fuck about you?_

  


“He do cares about me.” 

  


_Why would he?_

  


“Hey, hey, Josh?” 

  


_He just pities you._

  


“What are they saying, Josh?” 

  


_He will leave you like everyone else._

  


“You will leave me.” 

  


“I won’t, why would I?” 

  


“Everyone does.” 

  


“Listen to my music and breathe with me, okay?” 

  


_He’s just playing with you. He will get tired of your twisted up mind._

  


“SHUT UP YOU ALL, SHUT UP, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!” He hissed and started slapping his forehead trying to stop them. 

  


Tyler stopped playing immediately and jumped next to Josh. 

“Sssh, you don’t want to worry your mom, right? She’s tired, let her rest,” Tyler sat by Josh’s side, not too close to give him space. “I’m here with you now.” 

  


“But y-you don’t care about me, they say you’re just making fun of me,” he stuttered. 

  


“Do you really think they’re right?” 

  


“You don’t know what I’m capable of; sometimes I can keep everything under control, I’m kinda used to it and the pills help me a lot actually but other times... I can’t even put in words, it’s like I’m double-sided.” Tears were running down his cheeks. 

  


Tyler gently placed his hand on Josh’s. 

  


Josh looked up at him with teary eyes. The touch felt weird, he wasn’t used to physical contact but he was completely fine as long it was Tyler’s. 

  


“I’m sorry you had to deal with them alone, Josh. But now I’m here, I’ll help you.” Tyler turned to look at the boy sitting next to him. 

  


“But you can’t stop them, like you can’t stop night from coming.” 

  


“I didn’t say I’ll stop them, I’ll help you fight them. Together.” 

  


“But I’m so scared.” 

  


“I’ll be here, Jishua.” 

  


\----- 

  


Suddenly the night didn't scare Josh that much anymore. Now he was looking forward to it because of Tyler. 

  


He was like some kind of cure for Josh. 

  


Maybe he wouldn’t have to live a miserable life as he has always thought if he would have him by his side. 

  


It was a nice thought, though… living the rest of his life with someone, growing older with someone. 

  


_With him._

  


\----- 

  


The nights became a little bit colder but it didn’t stop them to see each other. 

  


The clouds clumped together, a lightning stroke in the distance lighting up the darkness of the night, a storm was coming. 

  


“How do you know you’re in love with someone?” Josh blurted. 

  


“That’s hard to explain. It’s not the same for everyone.” 

  


“Oh,” Josh said a bit disappointed “Okay.” 

  


They remained quiet for a few minutes. 

  


“What’s your favourite thing in the whole universe?” Tyler asked while looking at the gloomy sky. 

  


“Umm… The sunlight.” Josh replied with confidence. 

  


“Well, I think love is when you find someone you like more than your favourite thing,” Tyler said smiling. 

  


Josh didn’t say anything, he was lost in his thoughts. 

  


Was Tyler better than sunlight? 

Josh felt safe around him. 

  


The voices seemed to be far away when he was with him as if it was day time. 

  


Was Tyler maybe his new sunlight? 

  


“What’s your favourite thing?” Josh asked curious. 

  


“My piano,” Tyler said without hesitation. “It helps me express my feelings and well, it makes you smile.” 

  


Josh blushed and chuckled. 

  


“Yes, like that,” Tyler smirked. “I promise I’ll sing to you that melody that makes you smile every time you want.” 

  


Josh stared at Tyler’s eyes and saw little sparkles in them, there was the Hope he was looking for, he finally found it, it was right there. 

  


He was never sure about anything but this time Josh knew he loved Tyler. 

  


The boy capable of making his fears go away with just the sound of his voice. 

  


He was sure about this new feeling and for once he wasn’t scared, he was happy, and in love. 

  


But Josh realized too late that things got a little out of hand on that roof; he didn’t think twice, his brain just blacked out, the only thing he wanted was those silky lips on his. 

  


He leaned in for a kiss but Tyler backed off. 

  


On his face there wasn’t disgust, nor fear; Josh wasn’t sure about how describe that reaction. 

  


_“Josh… you don’t understand,” was the only explanation he received._

  


A thunder stroke and with a perfect timing the storm arrived. 

  


The raindrops helped him hiding those tears he was trying to hold back in vain. 

  


He came back to his room and collapsed on his bed not caring about his wet clothes. 

  


What’s there to understand? 

  


He loved Tyler, and he thought Tyler loved him too. 

  


But apparently he doesn’t and that couldn’t hurt more. 

  


\----- 

  


Tyler disappeared from his view but not from his mind. 

  


Behind his curtains there was someone, still don’t sure if it was Tyler, though. 

  


He haven't looked for him but Josh was too ashamed to talk to him anyway. It was better this way. 

  


The voices were back stronger than ever. 

  


Josh should have listened to them, for once they were right. 

  


Perhaps they have always been right… so maybe he should end it all now. 

  


_Yes, Josh. Finally you came to your senses?_

  


Josh sighed exhausted. 

  


_We told you. They always leave._

  


_No one wants to deal with people like you._

  


_Your mother will be so relieved after your death._

  


_All that money and energy spent for such a disappointing son like you, you don’t deserve her attention._

  


Maybe leaving them talk would eventually stop them. 

  


_She had to split her family for you, imagine how happy they would be finally under the same roof._

  


_Don’t you know how ashamed she is of you? You’re always in your room but she has to live her life. She may be fine but people think she’s an awful mother because of you and only you._

  


Oh, he was so wrong. 

  


_You never did anything for her._

  


_You never did anything for this family._

  


_You never did anything to overcome us._

  


_You like playing the victim, don’t you?_

  


_You’re so quiet, Joshua._

  


He was in the bathtub, heavy breathing, his head on the board, his eyes closed, his wet curly hair all around his forehead. 

  


Drowning didn’t stop them either. 

  


Josh eventually stopped to eat, to study, to pray, to reply to the voices, to sleep. 

  


Oh, wait, to pray? He cried for help for so long but what was the last time that he actually get on his knees? He didn’t care, he stopped even to believe in the One supposed to be his saviour. 

  


_Do it._

  


He got up from the bathtub and looked over the mirror, he opened it and took a razor blade from behind it. 

  


He placed it on the palm of his hand, it wasn’t even that big. 

  


He then let his finger slide on the sharp part leaving behind a dark red blood line. 

  


_Do it._

  


He came back to the bathtub, the water was cold but he didn’t mind it. 

  


He let his thoughts wander around. 

  


Love. 

  


Love turned out not being that beautiful as Tyler pictured it, like a happy place where he could finally live the life he always dreamed. 

  


Love made his eyes burn. 

  


Love didn’t let him breathe. 

  


Love leaded him to depression. 

  


As if schizophrenia wasn’t enough. 

  


Tyler was gone as long as his Hope. 

  


Maybe love just wasn’t for him. 

  


_Do it._

  


Josh slitted his forearms without hesitation and let the razor blade slip into the water. 

  


It wasn’t as painful as he pictured it for years, he could have done it long time ago: his heart raced, he felt calm and dizzy. 

  


He heard knocking on the door but he didn't bother answering. 

  


His mother started yelling his name but still no answer. 

  


She managed to open the door and she screamed with her hands covering her mouth as soon as she saw his son in a pool of blood. 

  


Why was she so upset, that was what she have always wanted, she was going to be free again and so was he. 

  


She took her phone, probably calling for help as if someone could help him at this point. 

  


His mother grabbed his face and he could feel her cold tears all over his face. 

  


“Honey, hold on, please, I called 911, everything is going to be fine,” she cried “Stay with me. ” 

  


“Tyler…” Josh whispered. 

  


His mom frowned. “W-Who’s Tyler?” 

  


“He lives in the house next to us,” Josh said heavy breathing. “Mom, tell him, tell Tyler that.. that after all, he's still my sunlight.” 

  


She stared into his eyes confused but then she realised. 

  


“Okay, sure, don’t worry, honey.” she smiled trying to reassure him. 

  


But she knew. 

  


She knew no one lived in that house. 

  



End file.
